You’re 3 Steps Away From Overwhelm Towards a State of Your Choice
In every moment of every day, we get to choose…
My husband was cross with himself because he thought he’d missed a deadline. He’s normally so patient and a great academic mentor; it’s like living with a breathing google.
Neither of them like to get things wrong, which is why they were arguing.
My family role is to be the mediator / emotional dissipator. I find my daughter in the garage in tears. Then my husband arrives to apologise and patch things up. They agree a plan.
Deep breath.
I damage my grey matter by doing what I tell my clients to avoid; I multi-task. I carry on packing, working and trying to complete all the jobs I would have done at the weekend.
The dogs are going bananas by this stage so I decided to take them to the kennels. Our little Frenchie has got springy legs and managed to headbutt me as I’m saddling him up. Our Spinone buggers off because he doesn’t want to have his lead put on. The more intelligent of the two; he knows where they’re heading.
Time for my tantrum. I half stomp down the hallway over all the camping crap. The dogs looked at me as if to say, ‘O oh we pushed the human too far’. They skulk into the boot of the car.
Another deep breath.
We were all shattered. It had been a busy week adjusting to the new school / work-life routine. So, I’d got out of sync with my packing and chore habits and was doing everything arse about whatsit. We still had a 3-hour journey ahead of us to the Lake District and had ‘camp’ to set up once we got there.
Halfway to the kennels, I realised I’d forgotten the sodding dog food.
My first thought, Aargh!! It’s not worth all this hassle having a boat. This is going to be a rubbish weekend.
It’s funny how we develop mystical powers and can predict a negative outcome for ourselves. I also know we get more of whatever we focus on.
Then I remembered my own advice: in every moment of every day we get to chose whether it’s a good or bad moment. We can escalate or percolate our emotions or a situation by thinking ABC:
Awareness
- What’s happening right now?
- What are you thinking and feeling?
Behaviour
- How are you behaving?
- What would be your best behaviour and state in this situation?
Choice
- What do you choose to act upon?
Another deep breath. This time I meant to calm myself down. I chose with my mind AND body to be resourceful — because one can be at odds with the other. I chose to make the rest of the weekend great.
Physically and mentally I do a u-turn to go and get the dog food. I put my fave tunes on and hit the plus sign on the volume until the windows start rumbling. Then I slow my speed — there’s no need to be rushing and triggering my ’fight or flight’ system. I chose to enjoy the ride. I also chose to laugh and forgive my childish behaviour.
When I got back, the homework team had executed their plan; the teacher had got it wrong. My daughter had submitted her homework and they had proof. I bet he has tantrums too.
As for the weekend, I had 36 hours of unfettered time. No make-up. No jobs. No more tantrums. Just messing about on the river (Lake). We all pressed the reset button. It was definitely worth it.
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